Playing both Mummy and Daddy
by The Perisher
Summary: One-Shot companion piece to I Want You To Want Me looking at the life of Charlie Swan. Come inside of the mind of Fork's Chief of Police.


**AN: I have a lot of Charlie haters after the recent chapters and because i haven't updated much, my readers are getting restless. So i put the two issues together. First, why i haven't updated IWYTWM? my laptop had a virus and because of that I couldn't update. I have written quite alot of chap38, however I am not finish. I give it a week until i update, because i have to start uni soon. Please understand that i will complete this story, even though it might take some time. It will be finished. I have given more info on updates on my website, for the url check my fanfic profile page. **

**Second, why i am publishing this instead of a new chap. I'm not yet done with chap38, however i had written this _incomplete _POV of Charlie. I had written this on the 15th of August 2010 and never finished it. It is incomplete and i might update the rest of it (not before chap38 and 39), so pls don't right hate review on posting this and not a chap of IWYTWM. I read alot of people didn't like Charlie and i hope this shows you why he is the way he is. Actually, this might make him worse but i think it make him... human. It shows his fault and all. And it also shows Bella's past. I'm actually thinking of making this the pre-charlie we know and how he turned into the charlie we know and for me love. **

**This is very short (incomplete) and very rough, so spelling mistakes etc. **

**Enjoy.  
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><p><em>"Being both Mummy and Daddy"<em>

_Part One  
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_**Charlie's POV**  
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I always wanted to be a father.

Boys my age looked at me with curious eyes. Why would a young boy ever want to be a father? I don't know, I just did. I think it may have been my father's influence. He was a great dad, but died when I was in my teens. I think I wanted to feel the void and make him proud. I didn't want a _new_ father, but I could have a son. Yes, I wanted a son. With my hair and my smile. I would teach him how to play sports, ride his bike and help him with the ladies. I was sixteen and ready to be a parent. But I wasn't bloody stupid. I could wait. I was too young to have a child, I knew that. But I was still ready.

My own father died during a shooting three years ago. He was the deputy of police in Forks. Ever since I was young I wanted to be like my Dad. I good police man, I good husband and a good father. I wanted to be like him. But I had to wait, wait for… her.

And she came.

Renee Dwyer.

She was a new kid at school from California. Her skin was tanner then everyone else's, her hair was a golden chestnut colour and she had heart shaped face. She was beautiful. And she was so… carefree. Her parents were hippies and loved to travel the country. Renee was a girl of tomorrow's generation, ahead of everyone in life. She was full of life. She lived life on her own terms and never looked back. But what I loved most about her was her innocence. She was like a child. She had no reasonability's and was always so carefree. She was completely opposite to me. After my father died I had to work and look after my mother. I worked at the 24hr daily. I was previously working at the dinner, but I got fired for tripping and breaking dishes so much. I was quite clumsy.

It was a fresh air to be with someone like Renee. She made me feel free. I still couldn't believe that out of everyone she picked me. Pain Charlie Swan. Or, as she liked to call me, Charles. She liked calling people by their full name. She said it made them sound more like adults. She even called my best friend, who was three years older then me, Billy Black, William. That was Renee. She was a child that wanted to be bigger. It was adorable. Renee and I started dating about a week after she arrived in Forks. A year later her parents were moving. But she didn't go. Renee was stubborn like that. She wanted to stay with me and I wanted to stay with her. Her parents couldn't bother about her and left her with me. My mother wasn't too happy about me living under her house with my girlfriend, but she was happy that I was happy. And I was happy.

Renee was the love of my life.

I shared my dreams with her. About being a cop and having a family. She told me hers. Being a famous actress and having a nice house, but then again she kept changing professions. I wish I had seen it then, but I hadn't. I was too much in love with her to see anything.

A month before graduation I found out that she was pregnant. I was ecstatic. My dream was going to come true. Cop, husband, father.

Renee wasn't.

She didn't want to have the child. She said it was going to ruin her figure and her career. I persuaded her. I told her about the wonders this child could do. It was ours. A piece of us. Your love. After hours of explaining, she finally agreed, saying she could dress the baby up. It was going to be her personal doll. We got married and settled in a small house next to Billy and Rachel's. We had a loan and mortgage. We were adults.

The months passed and I was excited about my son's arrival. The ultrasound said we were going to have a boy. I had always wanted a son. It was my plan. I was going to name him after my father, Nicholas Swan. I had it all sorted out. Renee wasn't happy, she wanted a girl who she could dress up. It was then I noticed that Renee was still a child herself, but I ignored it. I had worked at the daily at nights and joined the academy program of Forks in the daylight hours. Renee tried to find jobs, but she refused to work any where else other than a theatre or in a big budget movie. So it was hard for her to get a job. She got rejected because of her grown belly. I told her I loved her and she said it back. I thought we were happy.

On September 13th I got a call. Renee was in labour. I finished up my program and left for the hospital. I reached there to find out that I was a father. I was so happy. But the colour of my face was gone when I found it was a girl.

A girl?

What the hell was I supposed to do with a girl? I knew nothing about girls. I rarely played with girls when I was young. They had coodies. I was expecting a boy and I wanted a boy. I knew about boys. I could be a father to a boy. What was I going to do with a girl? It wasn't that I wanted a son because I was old fashioned and wanted an heir. No. It was because I could bond with my son. I could be a father to my son. What was I gonna do with a girl? It was then I realised that she was Renee's daughter.

Renee was happy that now she could dress her up. She planned to make her exactly like herself. She planned to take her to dance lessons and acting lessons. She planned to make her the next Miss America. Renee went on about her daughter being Miss Perfect and I was slowly pushed out of their bubble. I didn't mind. It was them two from now on.

Renee wanted to call her Isabella, saying it sounded mature and elegant. I thought she was crazy. She was going to call a girl, with the last name Swan, Isabella. Isabella Swan. Beautiful Swan. I thought was she crazy. I told her that the name was too extravagant. But Renee was stubborn. She said that it was a perfect name for a perfect daughter. She will be beautiful and she will be elegant. I told her that it was too much pressure on a child if you named her beautiful swan. But Renee stuck to it and we had a daughter. Isabella Swan. I called her Bella, but Renee was stubborn to call her Isabella.

And we lived in our small home. I was rarely home. I worked at the daily and then did work for the program. Renee was home looking after Bella. Everything was perfect. That's what I thought. Three years later, I graduated from the academy. And I was living my dream.

I was finally a cop.

I was a husband.

And I was a father.

It didn't matter that they happened in different orders. They happened.

I was home more often and I saw more. Renee would ignore Bella's cries. When I told her about it she just said it was method of parenting that she read in a magazine. I believed her. She was the mother, she knew best for her daughter. I also notice Bella and Billy's son, Jake becoming good friends. I learnt that my daughter wore glasses. I found out that Rachel looked after Bella when Renee went for an audition. But the thing I noticed most was that Bella didn't know who I was. I was a stranger to her and she was to me. I wanted to change that but didn't know how. What was I supposed to do for my daughter? I didn't know so I left it to Renee.

Years went by. Bella called me Daddy now, she knew who I was. As a figure. Rachel had died from cancer a couple of years ago and Bella and Jacob grew closer. I thought I was cool that our kids were great friend. Renee worked at a theatre at Port Angeles and didn't come home till late. Bella stayed at the Blacks until I picked her up. It was only when Billy told me that I found out Bella liked to paint and draw. I felt bad that I bonded better with Billy's son then my own daughter. But she had Renee. She had her mother to do all the girly stuff to.

Bella started school. And that's when it all went wrong.

Bella was bullied in school and kept to her self. She was teased and laughed at. The principle called us in to talk about and that's when it started. The fights.

Renee and I would fight, all night until we were too tired to go on anymore.

Renee would yell at Bella for not being who Renee wanted her to be and Bella would cry and ran to the Black's. That was when I realised that I was still a stranger. Sure she called me Daddy, but it didn't mean anything. When I would go get her back she would be laughing and playing with Jake.

Renee and my fights grew. I told her that we needed to help Bella trough this time, Renee said she didn't have time. She had her play to focus on. Soon the fights would expand off to other subject. First Bella, then money, then family and friends. It was just yelling.

And then we got called into the school's counsellor's office together. It would be the last time we entered together.

It was the first time I had ever seen Bella art. And it was of a broken family. As the little brown hair girl moved away from the man and women they grew happier as she disappeared into the pages. I felt sick. My child, the one I promised to look after and cherish, thought I hated her. Thought that I would be happier without her?

And then Renee called her a freak.

And finally my eyes opened and I saw everything.

Renee's resentment to her 'imperfect daughter'. Her resentment to the small home. Her resentment to her barely their career. Her resentment to me.

Renee left that night. She packed her bags and took some money and left. I was left alone. It was then I realised I had a daughter, who had no mother. As I walked to my daughter room I heard her sniffles as she asked where her mother went. I don't know who I tired to convince, myself or her that her mother was coming back.

I took my child into my room and tucked her in, for the first time. As I watched her sleep I realised that now I was the only she had left. I had to be her mother. How? I was barely her father.

I pushed my petty thoughts back. So what if I was her father? So what if she was a girl? Why can't a father and daughter be best friends? Why can't I play catch with her? Why can't I play dress up with her? Why?

The next morning I put my ego aside and tried to make breakfast. It didn't work. I had to be taken to the hospital. I had almost given at being a mother and even a father. It was then I met Sue Clearwater. She was my nurse. I don't know what it was, but the moment she asked me if I was okay I erupted in self petty. I told her everything. About my failures. I hadn't realise she was talking about my burnt hand and not about my burnt home.

She then told me about her story. Her husband left her family. Her daughter and son. I wondered if she bounded with her son. Was it hard? She smiled at me and told me she had to be both Mummy and Daddy. She had to teach her son to catch, even if she threw like a girl and she had to teach her daughter how to do a plait, even if her daughter hated doing her hair. She had to be both Mummy and Daddy.

When I took Bella home that day she asked to go the Blacks. I let her and I went with her. Instead of hanging out with Billy, watching the TV, I watched my daughter and Jacob. It was the first time I watched them play. I tried to understand her. I tried to be father with a late start. And I tried to be a mother.

The days went past, Renee didn't come home. The fridge was empty, I had to buy food. I gave Bella five bucks to buy lunch and dropped her off. After work I picked up Bella. I scowled at Bella for getting dirty. She was muddy all on the front. I had told her that it was rainy and not to play in the mud. It meant I had to wash the clothes and I had no idea how to do that. She sat their quiet as we drove to the supermarket. When we got there, I was lost. Where did I get the bread? Where did I get the milk? What was the difference between low fat and low carb? What was carb? Was it poisoning?

I was grumbling to myself when I heard a giggle. I turned around to see the nurse from the hospital. Sue. She had a grumpy little girl and a jumpy little boy next to her. These must be her children. I felt something move up against my leg. It was Bella. She hid behind me. I had notice that when ever she met someone new she hid away, like a turtle.

Sue helped with the groceries and introduced me to her kids. Her son was a cheerful kid. He tried to say hello to Bella but she hid her face behind me. The daughter was an angry child. She glared at me and then at Bella. Bella clutched on me tighter. As we left the supermarket and headed to the cruiser, I heard a grumbled come from Bella. It was her stomach. I asked her she was hungry and she nodded. Sue asked me what I gave her for lunch, I told her I gave her five bucks. That was when Leah spoke.

"Mike pushed her into the mud and took her money," she said in a bored tone. My eyes snapped open and looked at my little girl. She started sniffing and then tears fell. She had been hungry all day. I hadn't given her a proper breakfast and she didn't have lunch. As I scoped Bella into my arms I saw Sue look at me with sorrow. I could feel my own eyes water as I packed everything and sped of home. Bella was quite the whole ride.

The moment we stopped in the driveway she opened the door and walked to Jacob's, without another word. I packed the items in the cupboard. I cursed myself for yelling at her for 'playing' in the mud when really, she was pushed. I cursed myself for not feeding my daughter. And I just cursed.

I had never had this problem as a child. Sure I was shy, but I was never bullied. I didn't know what to do. So I called one person who I thought could help me. My mother. I hadn't talked to her for years now. She had told me that Renee wasn't a fit mother. That she was still a child and didn't know how to be a mother. Renee got angry and told her to get out. I didn't stand up for my mother, or my daughter.

I called my Mum and told her everything. I felt like I was five and scraped my knee. My mother told me to talk to her. That before I became her mother or father, I had to be her friend. She told me to make her safe. Find out what she liked. And just be there. To bond.

But how?

When I picked up Bella from Black she was angry at me. She wanted to stay at Jake's. I planned to make dinner, I told her that and she smiled. I asked her what was so funny. She said that I would burn myself again and I laughed. That night, my mother came home and thought us how to make the simplest dishes. I burnt myself again and my mother put ice on my wounds. It was then I realised that Bella was a great cook. I smiled when I realised that I didn't miss it. Unlike her painting or her friendship with Jake, I was there when she learnt something new about herself. I didn't miss it.

Days went past and I started bonding with my daughter. It was summer in Forks, which meant you could were a short sleeve shirts. Me and Billy were drinking out the back of the yard as the kids played in the sprinkle and kiddie pool. Naked. It was innocent. They were six years old.

As I saw my daughter with Jake, it hit me. Bella and Jake were really close. Close enough for their friendship to become more. And then the realisation came. She will go up. She will date boys. Boys that had one thing on their mind. Boys whose fathers told them how to get laid. I knew this because I had planned to teach my son. About what girls liked, about reading poetry and shit, about saying anything to get what you want. I knew this. I had done this. But the mere idea of someone doing that to my Bella freaked me out. If her first time was anything like mine, it would be in the backseat of a car, last for 36 second, the ride home would be short as the guy will kick her out and never talk to her again.

The next day I when to Margaret Stanley's house. I knocked on the door and there she was. Before she was a Stanley, she was a Harper. I apologised to her about that night. And how I acted like a pig. She nodded her head, with her eyes wide open as if in shock. But then she smiled and said thank you. I never talked to her again. She was married and had a life, and so did I.

I had to show Bella what kind of guys she should be, but I couldn't force that on her. I had to be the example. I had to change myself. I tried to be more of a gentleman. I opened and closed doors, I stood up when a _lady_ left the table and I pulled chairs.

Days turned to months and months turned to a year.

Bella was still being bullied, but she wouldn't say anything to me. Her friendship with Jake got stronger and I could see that soon it would turn into something more. I was glad that she was going to be with Jake. He lived next door. I knew it was selfish, but at least I knew that she would never be too far from me.

Soon enough it was Bells birthday. First one with out her mother. I left the station early to get stuff for it but once I got there I was lost.

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><p><strong>See how it suddenly stopped. Yeah, not my best work, just a little side writing to get me inspired for the real thing. This is very much an outtake. A rough draft. Anway, what was <em>supposed<em> to happen next was the Sue would halp him to get him the stuff for Bella's bday. I don't know when i have time to write the next part. It was just the i left this, not thinking it was important and now i didn't update a new chap in 2mths and i thought i'd update this until i can update chap38, sort of a IWYTWM fix. So pls don't write hate review on posting this POV instead of an update of IWYTWM. It will make me cry :(  
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**Anyway, new chap of IWYTWM posted hopefully in a week. Pls go to my website i have explained there why it will take some time and i do want you to understand why i'm late in updating. **

**Review and tell me what you think for Charlie and if you want another chapt.  
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